Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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