But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize