I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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