i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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