Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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