My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
