dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
