so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
