You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
