ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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