The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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