I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
jump out the window naked night went bad
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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