she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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