How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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