mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Randomize
