I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
