Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize