Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
is that a dick in a sweater?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
