Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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