I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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