They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
