you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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