who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dual....:-)
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
