Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
