So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
