Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
