I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
