Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
