I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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