I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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