How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
