I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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