Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They have beer where we have blood.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
