dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
