first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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