I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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