I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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