i barfeds in our rink
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
