Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
