You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
