apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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