Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
