i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize