fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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