Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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