I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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