you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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