I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
