Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
