I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
