They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
