I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
