she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize