was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
