sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
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