Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
