i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i need some magic done to my vagina
How does one acquire holy water?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
