There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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