Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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