Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
