so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
