I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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