I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Houston, we have a blender
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
