I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
