Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize