Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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