My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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