His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
