You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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