i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
