Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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