Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
