cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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