well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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