Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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