i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
