I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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