Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
