i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
