Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
